Mum’s birthday came and went with some upset, but not much. I felt guilty, but I was with my sister and we had a good talk about it, about whose voice that is in my head telling me I should have acknowledged it – my own conscience or my mother’s critical influence – as well as talks about boundaries, and healing, and moving on.

It’s been a really healing week here, so much so that I’ve extended my visit. We’ve had a wonderful time; the weather has been amazing, we’ve talked, played games, watched films, cooked for each other, I tried sushi for the first time (I’m a convert!), and we’ve drunk a lot of Passoa-based cocktails in the sun. It’s been a really restful time (excluding the time she locked us out of the house and we had to get a locksmith – on a Sunday – in the blistering heat, and today’s call from the bank regarding fraudulent activity on my account and having to cancel my card…) but aside from that, it’s been amazing. I hate that she lives so far away, but I love that I can come spend time with her.

On the whole I’m happy, definitely content, and relieved that Mum’s birthday is done with for another year. I know she’s already angry with both me and my sister for being no contact – she feels very entitled to a relationship with us both, which of course is a symptom of the wider problem – but she’s not doing any work on herself, or even seeing that this is a ‘her’ problem. She’s baffled and hurt as to why we would cut her off, without looking at all at her own stuff that could have caused it. It’s insane to me that she wouldn’t.

Anyway, this bucks fizz won’t drink itself. Will do another post when I’m home. x