I’ve been thinking a lot about why I’m so conflicted and dissatisfied with how my life is going at the moment. I’m not putting in much effort into self-improvement, and I feel like I’m coasting; existing, not living. I’d like that to change. I’d like to be a person I’m proud of, doing things that I’m proud of.

My lovely sister pointed out that by just existing, I am in fact valuable and worthwhile, and it made me realise that my concerns are actually my mother’s voice (she spend years telling me, quite literally, to ‘get a life’). Of course, I DO have a life. It IS worthwhile, AND IT ALWAYS WAS which was a huge revelation – I am enough as I am. I always was, even when I was in survival mode all those un-diagnosed years in a profoundly deep depression. I was still worthwhile.

That being said, I would like to make some small improvements to benefit me. So, I made a list. Ten achievable things, that might help me feel a bit more like I’m working towards something. So here goes:

• Active 10 – ten minutes of brisk walking 2 out of 3 days.
  WHY: I’d like to improve my fitness levels
• Read more – read a chapter a day.
  WHY: I’d like to get through my reading pile, and it encourages creativity
• Write more – Write something – anything – twice a week
  WHY: I’d like to be more creative again
• Eat Less Bacon – like seriously, no-one needs that much bacon. Twice a week, max.
  WHY: I’d like to be healthier. Try yoghurts and fruits or porridge instead
• Think BEFORE doing – Approach tasks more methodically, and less haphazardly.
  WHY: I’d like to be more pragmatic and capable – thinking things through will encourage that
• Challenge who’s ‘in charge’ – Make sure the adult is running the ‘boardroom’
  WHY: I am happier when I’m more in control of myself
• Evaluate your relationships – Ensure they are happy and healthy
  WHY: It’s important that they support you, which is easier to navigate if the baseline of them being happy and healthy is established
• GENTLY look at your interests – is there anything you want to do with your life?
  WHY: Employment and a sense of fulfillment are becoming more important to you
• MEDITATE! – Even 5 minutes of mindfulness counts; just slow down and breathe.
  WHY: I’m a better, calmer, less chaotic person when I’m more grounded
• Say YES more – Be more open to opportunities by assuming you can do things, rather than that you can’t
  WHY: Putting obstacles in my way is not helping

Remember to hold your boundaries – NO is just as important as YES at times. Take the time to think about your responses.