In Repair

Healing from emotional abuse

Mum

  • BrainDump

    I’m not really sure where to start, so I’m just going to write. 1. Christmas.It wasn’t great. I – we all – fell into the trap of trying to do a Mum Christmas without Mum, so her presence was very much felt despite us desperately trying to get away from that. She send a gift,… Read more

  • So Today I Fucked Up

    Mum emailed me earlier today. I had filters set up on gmail, but not on Thunderbird, so I decided to set up a template auto-response filter. I spent an hour trying to make it work and testing it with my sister, and then my techie partner’s help. When it kept returning errors, I eventually decided… Read more

  • Welcome to 2025!

    Christmas was wonderful. I wasn’t hosting, for the first time in many years, and it was great! The whole family went to Stepdad’s, and we all had a wonderful time. I then drove my sister back to her place on the other side of the country – a 4.5 hour journey took over 8, but… Read more

  • Different Journeys

    I’ve been staying with my sister for the last week. We’ve done a lot of work on her new house (sorting through boxes, doing tip runs, that kind of thing), some cooking (an excellent hotpot, a roast dinner – her first attempt! – fajitas… we’ve eaten well!), some watching of god-awful films (seriously, if you… Read more

  • Metamorphosis

    So I mentioned in my last post that this New York trip was life-changing, but was far too ill at the time to really delve into what that meant. I wanted to note that I’d had a great time, and that I felt differently about myself because of it, but I was dying (and am… Read more

  • On Courage

    I’ve been quiet of late, but busy in real life so that’s good. I have exciting news! I’ve been asked to go to New York for a workshop, expenses paid, thanks to the moderating I’m doing. I had to make my mind up quickly as I only had 3 weeks to prepare (if I was… Read more

  • Relapse

    I’m struggling a fair bit with thoughts about getting back in touch with Mum. I won’t do it – I have too much self-preservation now to fold when I know I’m not strong enough, but the intrusive thoughts are still there. It’s difficult, because in spite of everything I’m going through, have gone through, and… Read more

  • A Catch Up

    So after FIFTEEN emails, the Ourtime issue has finally been resolved after the final email from me pointed them to their own privacy policy and detailed how they’re breaking it, so finger’s crossed. I had a lovely weekend break with my Cardiff friends – lots of resting and relaxing (and drinking!). We made curry together,… Read more

  • It’s my birthday tomorrow. I’m going out for a nice meal with hubby and his mum tonight, which I’m really looking forward to. Then off for a cocktail evening with BFF and daughter at Stepdad’s on the day itself. I’m well and happy, if not a little warm – I’m finding the heat really oppressive… Read more

  • I’ve been thinking a lot about why I’m so conflicted and dissatisfied with how my life is going at the moment. I’m not putting in much effort into self-improvement, and I feel like I’m coasting; existing, not living. I’d like that to change. I’d like to be a person I’m proud of, doing things that… Read more