I’ve been quiet of late, but busy in real life so that’s good. I have exciting news! I’ve been asked to go to New York for a workshop, expenses paid, thanks to the moderating I’m doing. I had to make my mind up quickly as I only had 3 weeks to prepare (if I was picked, having put my name forward – the company sponsors one international person and my contact wanted it to be me).

I said yes.

This time even a year ago, I wouldn’t have felt able to go. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still anxious and concerned about the trip itself, but I’m also very, VERY, excited! I’m in Cardiff with my friends, and leaving for New York in less than 48 hours. I feel confident and scared in equal measure, ditto nervous and excited. My therapist told me The only difference between anxiety and excitement is breathing and it’s really stuck with me, so I’m breathing deeply when I feel overwhelmed.

I’m packed. Printing off boarding passes and check in stuff tomorrow. Booked a car to the airport, and one back. I’m ready.

I can’t help thinking about how this opportunity fell into my lap. How fortunate I am, and how grateful. It’s wonderful to feel valued. And it was nice to say YES to something I couldn’t even have dreamed of even a year ago.

I’ve changed so much this year. Become much more confident, and capable. Courageous. Lots of Cs. I always thought I was cowardly. Believed it to my very core, that I wasn’t brave, or resilient, or strong. But I’m re-learning myself through my own eyes, not my mother’s, and it’s so very healing. It’s no coincidence that I’ve done more tough work on myself, and shone more, without my mother’s influence on me. I think going NC was the wisest, if not one of the most difficult, things I’ve ever had to do. There will be a time for contact again when I’m stronger, and I know myself better, but for now, I’m thriving. I’m healing. And I like myself a whole lot more. The irony that this is what she always said she wanted for me, but that I could only acheive without her, is not lost on me.

So, off to NY! There’ll be pictures. 🙂