AND VARIOUS HEALTH UPDATES

So. It’s been A Month. Or more specifically A Few Days. Mum told me she’d been for a scan of her thyroid which showed she had a lump, which now needs biopsying to check for cancer. (My grandmother had thyroid cancer, for reference). She told me, which was fine – but then said she ‘didn’t have the energy to do a round robin’ and tell anyone else, that there’s not a central hub to post to, and that it’s ‘not a secret, you can tell people when you talk to them’.

Which sat REALLY uncomfortably with me, and it took a day or so to work out why.

1) It’s a manipulation – it’s putting me into a role (the mouthpiece for the family, the ‘central hub’ we’re apparently lacking) that I don’t want to be anymore.

2) It’s effectively saying I’m the only one who can support her if I DON’T tell other people; she’s once again trying to put me in a position of being her only support.

3) It’s her news, not mine. She wants the inpouring of sympathy without having the hard conversations with anyone (but me).

4) It put me in a position where I felt I couldn’t stand up for myself because she’s obviously upset and processing herself.

But, I told her no. I said that I wasn’t comfortable being put in this situation, and why, and while she back-tracked, she said she understood and agreed we have different boundaries around that. So that’s… good? It took me a while of feeling like I had no-one to talk to about it, before just standing up and saying no to her. I felt much better afterwards!!

And now to health news of my own. I’ve just had a call from the GP about my blood test last week. Apparently my hba1c is very high (79 I think she said), so they want to repeat the test in a fortnight. If it’s high still then, they’ll likely diagnose me with diabetes type2. While I’m trying to stay calm until I know something, my limbic system is running around like a headless chicken.

I’m really scared.


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Addendum

On the good news front, however, I’ve been working for a few days to secure a venue for our launch party for our app, which I believe I’ve just managed to do – some emails back and forth and then we’ll pop a deposit down to secure the date. I am in FULL imposter syndrome while dealing with professionals, but am also feeling accomplished and capable when the panic subsides!